Before I Continue...

I must add something I had not mentioned before.
 I am kind of accident pronged. I do not try to be and as a matter of fact am a very cautious person, but sadly, accidents seem to follow  me from time to time. I will tell you a few I can remember before the age of 8.
Apart from the  cuts and bruises that normal kids go through, I, with my sisters living in the basement apartment of the Kilcher's home in Sugarhouse was told by Atz to not lock (our basement) bathroom door. The door was quite quite old and required a skeleton key, and I am sure looking back that we did not have a key to open the door. He would tell us girls that a lot. One day, I was playing with Shane's Little Tykes tool kit, there was a plastic bolt in the kit. We were playing around when I put the plastic bolt on my finger as a ring. I screwed it down tight, not thinking much about it when a few minutes later, I could not get it off. So, what is a normal three year old to do when she can not get a plastic ring that is really a bolt on her finger to do but to lock herself in the bathroom she was told to not lock and go pee (because in really bad situations my adrenaline gets going, I have to pee) and, try to get off the bolt from my finger with water? And so that is exactly what I did! I locked myself in the bathroom and  then realized I could not get out. I also realized that I was in trouble with my finger stuck in the bolt because it was turning dark red and was starting to hurt. So, I did what any normal 3-4 year old would do... I sat for a while because I thought, "Wonder Woman can open the door, I am sure I can too" (I was certain I was Wonder Woman, the comic heroine. I loved her.) So, I could not open it. I waited until my finger was purple, then it started to hurt, so I started to scream. Well,  no one heard me for a while and my mom came and asked me what happened. I told her everything and she asked me why I locked the door. I said because I thought I could open it. At first I did not want her to get Atz, because I knew Atz would not be happy with me, but finally Atz opened the door and got the bolt off with a lot of soap and lotion and then he asked me if my finger was fine. When I said yes, he lectured me on not listening to  safety rules, but then he hugged me and my mom did too.
  That same house and a few weeks later, I was playing outside with my barbie and doll when I saw a cat come to me. This cat was a stray cat, from what I knew and my mom had told me to not go near stray cats because they can hurt you.
My mom was making Flour Tortilla Quesadillas. It was around 5:30 pm because it was close to dinner time. I was petting the cat when I thought, I could give her milk. Well, she turned around to go when I pulled her tail to bring her back to me, she turned around and bit me and bit me hard! to literally took a chunk out of my arm. To the bone. She did some scratching too. At first I was not bleeding. I was a little freaked out so I screamed to my mom and mom came running up the stairs and ran in the drive way where I was. She looked at my arm and I said a cat bit me. She ran and grabbed paper towels and told D and Chimera to run upstairs to the Kilchers. Well, Nedra was home but Atz was still at work or something so mom had to take me to the ER and I got stitches. Not only did I get stitches but it was a harrowing experience for me because I hate needles. Well, I had to get a few shots, to make sure there was no infectious diseases the cat could have given me. The Doctor had to get one Doctor to hold down one leg, another for the other leg. I needed one for my arm, and one for my other arm. Sadly, I saw what the 5th Doctor was doing, in his glasses, I could see him stitching me up and I saw screaming "You're sewing me up!" so he had to bring my mom to come in the room and hold my face and cover my eyes with her hands and shield me from seeing only her face. She said how I was brave and it will be over soon and how the Dr needs to put stitches in my arm because I have deep cuts but that she will take care of me. I remember my mom was so sad, but she knew I had to have them. I seriously thought I was being tortured. After the Dr gave me a bunch of lollipops and I  apologized to hi for kicking him. He said I was not a bad patient. he gave me some pain killers because the first few days were really painful.
I had to have my arm wrapped and had to take medication to prevent infection and my mom gave me something for pain when I needed it.  I did not want to unwrap the wound so my mom helped me in the tub and out of it to make sure my arm stayed dry.
 Looking back, what an ordeal for my mom!
 I can say, I still have needle fears, but, I am trying to get over them. I do keep a cooler head.
I can say that I do handle physical pain better than most people. I feel pain but do have a higher pain threshold than other people. Maybe it is my way of survival.

Adorable me. On my 3rd or 4th Birthday

Samson. My Beloved Friend

My mom was working and going to school. And she had a boyfriend. This boyfriend of hers we had known and he was just friends with my mom when we lived in Salt Lake City, after living in Atz and Nedra Kiltcher's basement apartment but right before we moved to Hawaii. His name was D.Y. Now, they were just friends and writing to each other back and forth while we were living in Hawaii, and when we moved back from Hawaii my mom was dating him. Us girls really really liked him a lot. He was a sweet guy, really tall. Taller than my birth father, and a basketball player for one of the bigger universities in Utah.

He spoke Swedish and German and Norwegian and he had a baritone voice when he sang. He laughed a lot and would pretend he was a bear. Very great guy. We were sure Danae and I, were sure that mom would marry this guy. He was a keeper. In the meantime, what I rarely mentioned before was my mom's family.

   My mom was the eldest of 9 kids. One child died at 5 months old, when my mom was probably 5 or 6. So, I never knew her. My mom have a younger sister that was younger than her, we lived with her in California. We also had uncles. Four of them. They were awesome. Then, we had two more aunts. They would come see us a lot. My uncle when I was 5  years old we were living in Salt Lake, He would come see us and go skiing. He once tried to take my mom. My mom hated skiing so much she ended up walking down the hill. She laughs about it now but she did not back then.

My  uncles and aunts would come visit and stay a few days and sometimes we would go live with my uncles and aunts for all summer. I recall many stories with which I will have to share, but I will just share the story of my uncles meeting James.

 Now,D,afew times visited my Grandma and Grandpa's house. They lived in La Sal, Utah. La Sal is a tiny place, and it is near Moab. I loved going there because my uncles would take me to the Arches. I would climb and crawl around those arches with my aunts. Rae, and Athena. They were so much fun and my uncles and aunts were like my brothers and sisters to me. We had a huge blast. Well, my mom's family lived in country in La Sal and country in Utah is different in different places. La Sal was red desert and High Plateau. Red Mountain Rock and Sand Rocks all over. Southern Utah is where many many of the Great Western Films were made, and Jimmy Stuart filmed about 96% of all his Cowboy Westerns in Southern Utah,If not ll. Well, La Sal was surrounded by Red Sand, the ground was very different with browns, blues, and purples and mostly red. My Grandpa had a horse name Dynamite. He was a black horse and I was allowed to ride him when my uncles were with me. Dynamite lived by his name was was a little flighty but, I loved him Silver Dollar was another horse they had, I remember, and our sweet horse, Cinnamon had returned to the Great Father Sky, which broke my heart, but knowing he would be able to eat apples everyday gave me hope that I would once again see Cinnamon and ride him like I did when I was three.

  Now, John would take me there for a couple of weeks. He would drive me there to La Sal, drop me off and I would spend lots of time with my uncles and aunts. My grandpa had a sweet dog. I can not recall her nae right now, but she had puppies and one day, I grew so found of the fattest biggest puppy I pleaded with my grandpa if I could keep him on the farm with him and he could be mine. To my delight and joy, my grandpa, uncles aunts and grandma all said Yes. He was so big and huge paws. He was a mighty dog and I named him Samson. Samson and I would go for what seemed to be hours, in the country fields of La Sal. We would watch the rabbits and Samson would try to chase them. Samson was huge. Samson was on his hind legs 6' 8" tall because he was the exact height as my mom's boyfriend, John. Now, Samson was half Black Lab and Half St Bernard. He was all black but on his neck he had a small speck of white. He had the biggest paws I had ever seen on a dog, and I have seen hundreds.

  He had the saliva glands of a St Bernard and a heart of a puppy. He thought he was a puppy. That is no doubt his mother's black lab spirit. Oh how I loved Samson and I would go digging out in the Country. I would look for bottles, old coins, Arrow heads. One day, while out digging, a thunder storm was approaching. not too fast. clouds were rolling slowly in and I knew in Southern Utah and Eastern Utah, Flash Floods came swift. My grandpa taught me how to watch for storms. He would always say you can smell a storm coming. He was right. You could. I also knew that the storm was coming and it started getting late because normally coyotes would howl and yip at night but I hardly ever heard nor saw them in the day. Strange... I saw one. I wanted to run but my uncle Paul, always said to not run and keep really still because they might want to catch you. They liked to chase. So, I sat frozen and not a second sooner did Samson jump up, ran faster than lightening and chase down the coyote but not only did he chase down the coyote, and caught it, I started running back home. I knew I did not have to worry about Samson. I knew it was his way of protecting me. A couple seconds, I looked back... I heard a yelp. I thought, What do I do. I saw Old Yeller and was scared tat what happened to Old Yeller would happen to Samson. But I saw Samson coming back... Not even a scratch on him!!! We hurried home and before I got home I was tired, I laid myself on Samson and Samson carried me back home to safety on his back, the size of a pony. Samson did eat Rabbit, which made me sad but one day my Uncle Ian explained it was sad, but that the bunnies were eating their garden and Samson protected our food. Uncle Ian was and still is my dearest most beloved uncle. However,I adore all my uncles with much love.

Sadly, I do not know what happened to my pictures of me in Southern Utah in those Days. more on that later, But I know that I have pictures of me and Samson out there somewhere. I hope my Grandpa is keeping them safe.

My uncle and me. Riding Cinnamon

What I Write

My Dear Reader, 

          To this point you have read many wonderful and interesting things about my childhood. All of which are true. The only thing that is fictional, is my name and a few other small details.

 If of course you were to ask my mom, she would refute most of it for privacy sake and as for my sisters, they are of no use because their memory is far less than perfect than that of mine, and for some reason it is a blessing and a curse to have such memories. 

  What I am about to write is true in all accounts and when you read and ask yourself,  "What the Frack?" which I trust you will not say the other F word, please know that my mom is wonderful, marvelous and would never EVER do anything to hurt me. 

I have mentioned earlier that my dearest and oldest friend, Heather and I paled around all that Summer of 1977 and into the school year of 1978. We were in 2nd Grade. 

 What I failed to write you is an incident that takes us back to Hawaii. I did this intentionally because what I am about to write is harrowing and traumatic for me. 

 This and some other experiences are not for the faint heart(ed), indeed and not for the eyes of small children nor children, and so please if you want to read something that is more of a Disney Cartoon, please move on now. For those of you that are more of the curious nature, and understand that what I write is for the strength and to help you understand more about me as the writer and what my future looks, please, carry on. But I have thus so warned you.

  In the Fall-ish time of 1976, while I was playing outside with my friends, I was called home. Now, in those days (I can not believe I am using such terms, It reminds me of my grandpa, using that) Calling was a manner of a mother opening a window to the home and shouting your name and, usually followed a reason for being called. And so, My mother called to me, (yes, in those days, you were called to, not simply called) "Leeeenaaa- Time for Supper!" Now, dear reader, yes, it was still called supper and that is what e called it in our home. 

 Another rule to mention: When being called or playing outside, you must always be ear shot from mom or the one in authority when going to a friends house. If you are away from ear shot, (and ear shot means when you are called you can hear it, even if it is faint, you can hear it) then you are close enough. But, If you go out of ear shot from Momma or authoritative figure, you are indeed in trouble. If mom calls, and you do not come in a couple of minutes, then sister or brother is sent. If sister or brother is sent and can not find you, pray for a good hiding place because mom is not angry, but worried. But, I tell you for certain, hell hath no fury when mom finds you and you refuse to call back, answer or refuse to come. Anger and Worry sometimes have a fine line with mom's. (tee hee)

  And so, I was called. When upon walking by the laundromat, I spied a car with a man that looked of black hair and blue eyes. The man was intently watching me. I was trying to get to my mom, but he called me over to his car and asked me if I knew where Elvis Presley's home was in Oahu. I told him I drove by the gates a few times during Field Trips and he asked me if I thought I looked like him. I said maybe, and I noticed he was doing something with his hands. I felt uneasy and scared, and I told him I had to go. He said, "Wait, " and asked me where I lived. I said, I don't know. (because of the Candy Man incident I had learned a thing or two See Here If you don't know the Story) I started walking to the car, because he had a bunch of silver dollars on his dash board. My Step-Dad-Semi-Dad gave those to me all the time. He was holding something in the lap in front of him and he was asking me all kinds of questions, like "Why does your mom go to BYU Hawaii, You have two sisters, Where is your Father". He seemed to know my mom and sisters, but my mom never brought him home as a friend or anything. I did not know how to answer and then I noticed, while he was talking to me, he had his pants down half way to his knees and he was masturbating. I did not know what it was, (the masturbating ) and my mom's best friend at the time had a boy about two years old and still in diapers and my mom baby sat him once.   She and I changed his diaper (which was cloth... the smell was intensely horrific) So, I knew what a boy's private part was, but I did not understand everything that was happening. I felt strange and weird and scared and I ran. I turned around and ran all the way home and sat for a minute on my bed. I thought I was in trouble. I did not know what was happening. My mom saw that something was wrong, and I said "Oh, mom, I am so sorry I did not come fast when you called me" She said, "But I didn't call you, You were at Lavatia's, are you OK?" and I just sobbed. My mom hugged me tight for a long time, well, I did not know how long and finally I told her what happened. She jumped up and ran to the laundromat, came back and told me to tell her everything. At first she did not believe me.. Wait, she was in shock and disbelief, and asked me for details. When you have a little girl saying this man had his pants off, but could not describe what... those parts looked like and in a house full of girls only, you want to get your facts straight before calling the police because those are pretty serious accusations. I was able to describe everything quite into detail and my mom when she saw that I was telling her the truth, and told her everything, she called the police. (yes, reader, now, on the phone, not from the window) We did not have a phone, as I don't recall one, but I do recall Kim Fi and Wa Chan having one, and so my mom called the police from their home. 

  The police came and got a full description of the car, the man and our conversation and then, what he was doing. That part was hard for me because it was with a man. I never used bathroom words with anyone before. But, I was taught to always trust police. And I knew mom was safe, I could trust mom. I did tell the officer everything I knew. Every detail. My older sister, D, was so upset, and strangely, Chimera was laughing and smiling a very strange wiry smile. Like a sheepishly thought it was funny type of smile. I was always perplexed by what she thought was funny and what she thought was serious. In retro-spect, it was an evil grin, but more on that later. 

  Now, reader, here comes another part to the year I lived on 818 E 300 South in Provo. 

  As you recall, I lived with my mom and sisters in an apartment that was in a South Side of Town. Now, There is a saying that in Provo, anything South of Center Street the "poorer" people lived there, and anything West of University Avenue was where the really poor lived. There was an area South of the Train Tracks that, yes, was the wrong side of the Tracks.  

 I have mentioned before that My mom was called a Visiting Teacher (See here as an explanation to what a VT is)  My mom and Heather's mom were companions. They would Visit Teach a woman named "Sister Stanley" Who lived on the West and South corner of  300 South and 900 East. Now, Dear reader, in the following posts you will see something more insidious than  that my mom, Heather's mom, Donna, nor anyone would or could ever ever dream. In the mean time, please just continue reading. 

Let's remember this was in the late 1970's. Jaws was a HUGE hit, and although I was not allowed to see it, I knew it was about a Great White Shark, that Terrorized people, and then I saw it, which instead of making me fear The deep blue oceans, made me have a more love for them and wanting to be a marine biologist, and I had a fear for swimming pools, I know weird. (The story as to why I have a fear of swimming pools is Here, Click This )  And This was the same time that David was living in the same city as us so we would get to go do many wonderful things with him. One of them was movies for Free. 

  This was a time of me running around a neighborhood, going to the Library with my sisters or with my friends, I would get on the city bus alone and was safe going to BYU to paint ceramics with my sister or friends and it was safe, people. Not like it is today)

 Sister Swasysupposedly as sweet little old lady that was afraid of things that moved at night. She was sweet and made cookies and cakes for everyone in the neighborhood. She had a little cart that would go with her to the grocery store, buy her items and she would pull them on the way home. She, like many other people, would collect glass bottles and take them back to the store for her 5cent deposit. Yes, a cute little small framed woman. With two sons. (Maybe more?) And she was afraid of the dark. And Lonely. She would call up Heather's mom and ask if one of her daughters would please come sleep at her house with her because her son is not home and she would not be able to sleep because she was scared to be alone, and, Heather would ask me to come. Sometimes, Corrina and Chimera would go instead of me and Heather, and other times it would be all four of us girls. This was the same time that my mom would never be able to understand why I started throwing huge rage fits, and I would not be able to explain either. 

  At this same Summer, my sister, Chimera, had an aunt, Emma. Emma's dad, whom I loved very much, had died when I was 5, was a very strong influence in Emma's life. Emma was the youngest of one sister and three brothers. She was not only the youngest but old enough to be a child to her other sister, Seda. Seda actually had a son that was the exact same age as her. They were growing up together, but in two different lives, at the same time. Emma was 14-15 years old and dating a man that was 24 years old. She had just lost her father a couple years before that and had already taken up smoking, she was in a lot of pain. Now, with a boyfriend that was really really horrible news and basically allowed to come to there house whenever he wanted, he was definitely a bad guy, and I never liked him. I was not allowed to go there when he was around, but I was allowed to sleep over at my grandma's house (Emma's mom's house)  Miguel was Emma's boyfriend, and they ended up getting married because Emma got pregnant at 15 or 16. Miguel would always try to get me to drink alcohol and then try to kiss him and stuff. I never ever did. He would how ever, try to come into my grandma's bedroom while I was sleeping and Emma or Grandma would tell him, Leave her alone. He would be drunk and laugh. Emma would do everything to just get him away, but this man was very forcible and very abusive to her, to her mom and to everyone in her family. David, Emma's brother and Chimera's dad, was very protective and never wanted anyone bad around me. But Miguel was just a bad guy.  

  Also, at the same time, I was from time to time sleeping at Sister Stanley's house. Heather and Corrina would want us to go with them to her house because they hated going alone. 

  Sister Sy, I said, had two sons. (maybe more?) She would make strange beef stroganoff   and it looked like puke to me. She would pray, which I was used to, but she would start her prayers with "Dear God..." (which was normal) But end with "Please kill the sons of bitches police that killed my innocent sweet son that was in Prison for no good reason. " or "Kill anyone that lies about my sons" or "Thrust to hell and may the devil take any police that come knocking on my door" Creepy??? I think so. No wonder why Heather and Corrina never wanted to sleep there? Yeah. Oddly, she would tell the some  weird strange bed time story. Of how her son was killed innocently on Halloween Night. Of how her sons are so sweet and kind and would never hurt a soul and how if anyone says or does anything to them, they would be protected by God and his mighty Angels would come with wrath and a mighty sword and kill anyone and their families for ever speaking ill of her precious sons. We would after, sit up and whisper to each other and dose off to sleep. I can give you details of the house. The home, upon walking in the front door, was a wide rectangular shaped living room, much like a bungalow 1920's style, very common in Utah in the 1920's. All bungalow in Utah had basements, and this was no exception. Basements are so very common there because of the winters freezing pipes, this helped prevent pipes from freezing, bursting and causing all sorts of havoc. I am not sure, but I rarely have been in a home in Utah where there was not a basement. Unless it was a manufactured home. And I was only in one of those in all my life in Utah. 

  Her home was a bungalow style, but she had no regular porch like the 1920 style homes, maybe because of poverty, or maybe because she preferred not having one. The kitchen was off the the left upon coming into the home and to the right was her bedroom, which I never saw. Through the kitchen, which was rather small for a home, smaller than Heather's family's kitchen, on the right was a small bathroom, and further through the kitchen were stairs leading to the basement which was her, Sister Stanley's son's bedroom, and storage. Going down to the basement was a bunch of antlers with baseball caps. (For those of you not aware, it is fact that is a true sign of a Red-Neck, or what my family and friend circle call, White Trash.) Some of the antlers with the baseball caps had guns, rifles mounted or places across, and a few had bows or cross bows hanging from them. It was sure sign of very strange and very menacing to me when I would look from Sister Stanley's kitchen table to the basement as she would tell us over and over how her son died innocently on Halloween Night at the hands of evil police officers in jail. I never said anything to my mom about this because, as Sister Stanley put it, if I did, all my family would die. My mom, my sisters, and Heather's family would too. I was sworn to secrecy to not say anything. I believed that my mom and sisters would get hurt. I was too scared to do anything. Or say anything. 

   Another thing that was really bothersome for me, and something  I never understood at the time, was the next day when I would come home from sleeping at Sister Stanley's house was the fact that I never knew where my underwear went. My mom would ask me, as she would clean my clothes, and I was embarrassed, so I would say, "Heather needed a new pair, again. Hers had holes in them," or, "Corrina had small one that were hurting her" My mom believed those stories because I was the type to give the shirt or coat off  my back to someone who needed it more than me, even at that age, and I have several times before and since. It made sense to my mom and my mom would go and replace my socks, underwear, etc etc that I would give to my friends and other kids at school. The dream I had, were not dreams,but rather, I would see Sister Stanley's son in my window late at night, and scream and my mom would come to my room only to find nothing out the window. But he would be there, and he would have one of his rifles, watching me. Not just one time, but several times. My mom, since she never could find him actually at  my window always thought it was night terrors, and took me to a Doctor. The Doctor confirmed, Night Terrors, which are in fact genetic, and so, gave my mom ideas on what to do about them, not feed me sugars after a certain time, make sure I had plenty of sleep, no stress, play soft music in my room as a I fell asleep, read with me happy stories and stories about princesses, or happily ever after type stories, and even stories about Bible People, Stories of How Jesus loves little children. She was never preachy, nor never told us, You will go to Hell if you... " My mom was never that way. She would tell us of how Jesus did so many kind things to so many people. My mom would tell us funny stories she would make up or even real stories about her life as a child in Alaska and stories about when we were babies.   But then, I would still get these feelings some one was watching me, I would look out my window and he would be there. One night, D saw him. She verified that he was watching us, but he did in fact vanish as if he was only a dream and my sister D can not remember these to this day. 

    Chimera took another approach to sleeping at Sister Stanley's house and my mom had greater far more problems she had to focus on with Chimera. 

     Chimera was really strange. I know in my Christian Culture all Children are born innocent and pure. Unlike other Christians we never baptize babies because I was taught children are free from the Sin of Adam and Eve, and so, why should we baptize an Innocent Pure Child?  I do believe that this philosophy is true, but I believe there are some Children that should never have been born either. I have heard it said of Cain that Eve had a "Struggle within her womb" and I believe that my mom had the same. My sister chimera was not normal. 

  My mom was going to school and working hard. My sister and I would have about 1-2 hours of having to watch Chimera before my mom got home, but very rare times. My mom tried her best to be in school or work when we were and be home when we were. But, if she could not be, Chimera was to walk with us to her Grandma's house and wait for my mom or her dad to get off work or school and My older sister and I were very able and capable of coming home, doing one or two chores and then working on homework or doing what we were told. Chimera never did anything she was told. What took normal moms 20 minutes to get out the door, with a child like Chimera we knew we would have to wait another hour before my mom could do anything. My sister and I were deeply annoyed with Chimera and her manipulative ways. She was very manipulative. She would when she got her way, sneak a look at me and smile. Her smile at me was always cunning and snake like. She was never in trouble. Never. One time she was angry with me because we were playing a game of Sorry! when I was ahead by little and trying to let her win even giving her help, she punched herself very hard in the chest, started screaming, hit herself with the game board and my mom ran to her aid. I was so angry at her and said I hated her. I got in trouble for hitting, punching, cheating on the game, and not playing nicely with my sister. As I sat crying on my bed, and a tearful angry fit of my mom sitting on me because I threw a fit because I felt cheated and trapped and I was accused of lying, my mom was comforting chimera and not me, my mom's back was turned to me but Chimera's face was to me. The once brown eyes that Chimera had were totally black and her smile made me loathe her completely with a deep frustration , insecure and fear feelings I had never known in my life nor since to any other human being I have ever had. I had all my life been truthful, good and kind but very up front about people and situations and many would call me a judgmental bitch. But I have always stood by my word, and 99% of the time I was right about those people, the situations and when I was wrong, Oh Hell I would shout it out and claim to everyone I was wrong. But with Chimera, I never understood the power she had over my mom. It was like a poison and like stinging nettle that would burn me all my life.  Chimera was mean to animals too. We had a kitten we had to watch and protect from Chimera. Danae and I . Tawny. We named her Tawny after a Golden Book about a lion called "Tawny Scrawny Loin", we then had another cat named Taffy. (salt Water Taffy is a Specialty in Utah from the Great Salt Lake) And then we had a dog, a Caca-poo... We called I can not remember his name. But, every pet we had we had to watch Chimera. Most times we had to just say.. Oh, That is Chimera. Looking back, she was once messed up girl. It was all genetics, and really mom did everything to discipline her. Well, Mom never spanked us. Ever. But she had to swat Chimera a couple of times. But wow, Chimera deserved a swat. My mom was really at her wits end with that girl and my sister and I saw the effects of her too. 

  More on this Stanley guy is to come. 

All I will say about Miguel is Emma ended up divorcing him, getting a court order that he was not allowed to go within 25 yards of his son, Emma or the house that Emma lived. A few months later, Miguel was in a car accident that made him even more crazy. He ended up being the south Provo Pervert watching around town flashing little girls and going in and out of the State Mental Hospital and eventually I do not currently know his where about nor do I care. I know a lot of friends that are in the Sheriff and Police Departments in the County, and a few lawyers. They have said some harrowing things about him. All of which are true. He is and was a sick person and Genetics that are bad breed more Genetically Sick people. 
  You will see that through all of this, how people turned out and how lives and people and perspectives change. And How love helps to change. But, how sometimes you can not change nor expect someone to change. And you will later see how everything unfolds. 

 

 

Proof I Had Friends

My last blog did not include pictures. 

I wanted to show some now

Second Grade Picture

Because I just so darn CUTE! I had to put me on my Second Birthday

Me and my Friend whom I named Heather. There is another one of this, I was posing because I thought we were going to pose.

Second Grade

I spent my second grade in Provo Utah, and down the street from a couple of crazy guys. 
 There was one guy that was weird. I forgot his name, but he lived near my Grandma's house, but I was told by David to stay away from him. He was always trying to hold my hand and he was OLD. He was weird. He was always trying to get me and my sister to come to his house, and Heather warned me big time about him. 
  We had another problem. Heather and I. There were a group of 10 graders that would hide from us after school and jump out and try to grab us. We would try to run and they would try to grab us and they were mean to us. They would try to pull our hair and they were always waiting for us. My mom was so annoyed with these girls. 
  One day they did grab Heather and I ran back and got her but Heather and I had enough of those girls so we talked to my mom. My mom said she owuld wait for us in the car, in the parking lot and she said pretend like we do not know her. I said ok. Well, my aunt, her sister came into town. Reva. Reva was tough. She was 16 when I was 7 or 8. She was tough. She had 2 brothers that she would fight with and two other brothers that were sweet but boy, she was awesome. Well, my mom had told her that these girls were harassing Heather and I.  Reva was up for the job. We went to school as usual and on the way I had told Heather that my mom was waiting for us but to act natural and act like they were not there. She said OK. Well, the hour came. My mom was in fact waiting for us at the Church Building. Well, that was where the three girls always waited for us. So, we walked as normal, and they started coming toward us when my aunt jumped out of the car with my mom. The looks on the girls' faces when they took off toward the girls and saying, "You like bullying little girls?" my aunt was saying, "Why don't you come here and chase me?" the girls never stayed to harass us after that. It was AWESOME! I was hoping they would do it again so my mom would do an encore chasing. It was epic for Heather and I. 
  It was a confirmation that mom once again deserved the "Mother of the Year" award.

My First Best Friend

Heather G was my first best friend, and we have been friends now for over 3o years. She is one friend of mine that I can with complete confidence say that she will be just like a sister to me. Her sisters are like sisters to me too.

 Heather grew up in a what you would say, rather different family. I say that because she was the second child of 15children. When we were younger and first met, we were only 7 years old, she already had 7 kids in her family.  I recall her father working from his home, making handicrafts from his wood shop, and It was there that he lost some of his thumb. Her father was as my mom put it had an "iron fist"

 and was really strict. He would spank his kids a lot. I was rather scared of him, but her mom was nice, just always pregnant and tired. Heather had to help the family income by working on a bike route. She and her brother, and as each child got to be old enough, at about 8 years old, then another child must help. They had a rather huge route, because her family knew everyone within a what seemed to me to be a 2 mile radius from their home.. If she was allowed to go sleep over at my home, she would have to get up early to do her route and then do a bunch of chores and then she would be able to play. Sometimes I would help her to finish earlier. So, while she was on her route, I would stay behind and help her sisters with the chores and help clean so that she would not have such a work load when she got home. Her mom seemed to work too, and I would try to invite her to as much things with my family as allowed. As we got older, I would try more intensively to invite her to out of town laces with me, but her father did not always let her come.

     I could name off every name in her family, and fast. We would have contests to see who was faster. She could talk faster than me so she won, but Our summers were sent following people and playing "Charlie's Angels" That was code for spying on people and tracking them down and writing down what they dad at certain times, in secret of course. Then we would write them notes. I think it would be against the law now to do that. Come to think of it, we would be considered Psycho Stalkers now. Maybe our notes would have landed us in jail for harassment, too. And come to think of it, we would have been in trouble for some other violations too. But, it was in the 1970's and we were kids playing around. Well, we were playing Charlie's Angels!

 Heather read every Hardy Boy And Nancy Drew Mysteries that were ever written and therefore was an authority of mysteries and new how to track down criminals. I watched every Mister Rogers, Fantasy Island and Love Boat, along with we both watched Star Trek, which gave me a more feel for the covert side to our operations. I did have a problem with hiding when we were in really intense look outs.  For some reason I had an "over excited bladder" as I called it and when we were on our look out cases, I had to pee. She would always tell me before hand, "Go pee before we go," I would say, "But I don't have to right now" and then when things got really exciting, I would be in the bushes, I would whisper, "Heather, I have to pee" she would laugh and say, "Awww, Lena, Not now! really? That is why I would tell you to go before. " I never could go pee behind a bush like she would.  The pee would run down my leg, or go straight down and on my ants or shorts, the pee position in the bushes always eluded me. Why couldn't it just be like everyone else?

I always ended having to pee in a toilet and running back, hoping I didn't miss anything.

  David's mom lived in the neighborhood, and so I would go there to pee, but, I never wanted to stay long because I was busy. what a summer Heather and I had.

Christmas Memory

I forgot to mention that when I was five years old, one of my most favorite Christmas gift was a Barbie House my mom constructed for me out of a box. 

 You know the saying "Kids would rather play with a box than their toys"... Well, we were so poor, we did play with boxes. Hehe

My mom painted a box and added widows and furniture. She had an uncle make the furniture, I think. And she found some carpet, wall paper etc, and made this really amazing dollhouse for my Barbies out of a box!  She painted the outside white, and I remember the living room of the barbie house was white and blue. I loved that house a lot. I played with it all the time.

 My younger sister sat in it and got in huge trouble for it, and that is how it got ruined. I got her back by hitting her with a broom stick. (yes, lovely sister rivalries)

Leaving the Islands, and Back to the Mainland

Cute little me with my friends. My sister insisted on being in the picture.

Sadly, all good things eventually come to an end. 
   Hawaii was the same. My mom completed her year that she got in BYU of Hawaii. It was time, sadly, to move back to the mainland. I was really sad, although you could not guess by the "good bye" picture above. Those kids above were my friends on the playground. I wish I knew who they were now, but interesting enough, I don't know a  lot of people from those days. I do have some friends from living in Hawaii now. But, I do wish I was able to keep in touch with more of those friends. And I always have wanted to return. 
  I was sad to go back to the mainland. One of the things I noticed the first time I came back was the rain smelled... Well after living in Hawaii, the rain anywhere else was stinky. 
 And the rain was cold. I missed the warm rain. It was magical in Hawaii.
Fresh Coconuts was another thing I missed on the mainland. 
 Below is a picture of me sharing with Izumi's little brother.

I told you I was cute!

We arrived in the mainland in May. I felt like I was in a foreign land. Everything was so strange for me. We were back in Provo, Utah and I found myself in shock in a new school and with just a few days left for the summer. I was so homesick. 
 I was asked to talk about Hawaii when I was in my class. I was asked all kinds of questions, like, "Do they speak English there?" but one person asked me, "Do they have Fruit Loops there?" now that was the question that sealed the deal with my friend, Heather. We became inseparable from that point on. Heather and I were best friends.   
 

Christmas in Hawaii

Christmas Morning. We got Moo-moo's

         I have never hidden the fact that my mother was single and the other fact I never hid was that we were poor. I mean really poor. But, mom never dressed us in rags. Mom always had a very clean home, always had us clean and we had cute clothes. 
  Mom did everything she could to make sure that although we did not have a dad at home, we were not going to dress like rag muffins. 
  We had some pretty sweet clothes too. I remember getting the most fashionable clothes. Oddly, mom's favorite thing to do is bargain hunt. So, although she dressed us beautifully, and did not look cheap, and some of the top brand names, she did buy them at either Thrift Stores, Outlets or on the Sale Racks. 
 With that said, I loved dolls. Christmas time was just the perfect time for asking for dolls, and toys. 
  The doll I wanted was "Baby Alive". Baby Alive was the coolest at that time. She could eat, drink, pee, cry, and sleep, almost like having a real baby. 
 I wanted one badly. Every time the television was on, and the commercial came on for Baby Alive, I would holler for my mom to come see Baby Alive. My mom knew I wanted her. 
 We always had a real Christmas Tree during Christmas, and mom always wanted a Douglas Fir. She loved how full they are. I always thought it was because of the little Children's story "The Little Fir Tree" (Very cute and highly recommended!)
  Mom did what we call in our church,"Visit Teach". Once a month mom would go with another woman from our Congregation, and she would Visit another woman. The woman was assigned, and she would help her, make sure this woman was ok and make sure there was something the woman needed. Usually mom would Visit Teach on a Sunday or while we were in School. Visiting Teaching never interfered with mom being a mom. Mom was also Visited. The women in the church all looked out for one another, and was a very organized and great way to make sure the needs of the congregation were being met. 
  Teaching part came from after Visiting and before leaving, the women would leave a message that was a monthly assigned message. Sometimes the message was on being kind to others, sometimes it was on Judging or How to Draw Nearer to God in a time and day where it is more difficult to.
   Mom and her Visit Teaching Companion one day, while out Visiting Teaching, heard about a family that had just moved in from Samoa. Mom heard that the family did not know any English but she wanted to Welcome this family into the neighborhood and bring them something. (This is how Mormons are) Mom and her Visiting Teacher Companion decided to make a dinner and take it to them, and mom came back really sad. 
  I asked mom why she was so sad, and she gathered us girls around. She said that upon going into this little family's home, there was nothing. they had no furniture, nothing. Only clothes and very little things. Mom did not know what we could do to help this family and it was close to Christmas. We had no money ourselves. 
  With out any thought, My older sister got a big Garbage bag and started putting all her gifts from under the Christmas tree in the bag. 
  I honestly knew I should have been doing it but I really wanted that doll and I thought for sure that I would never get her and knew that she was under the tree for me. 
  But I could not help but think of those little kids with nothing. 
 I went back and forth in my six- year- old- mind.  Should I give all my gifts? Should I give one? Should I not give any?
 I helped my sister put all my gifts in the bag. My younger sister helped with hers, too. My mom never said one word to us. She never asked us to give any, she was worried about how we were going to get anything for the family. This idea of giving gifts came from my older sister, and my younger sister and myself just followed in unison. 
   There was one gift in which was too big to fit in the two bags we had for the family and so as we carried the gifts to the family, the one gift I carried was Baby Alive. I was sure it was her. We had not opened our gifts, we just put them in the bags and carried them out the door. 
  We went to the family's home and they were there. We gave them the gifts and left. We did not need to speak the same language to feel the same that evening in Hawaii. I saw the family's faces when I handed them the gifts with my sisters. 
  I had never seen a grown man have tears streaming down his face as he said,"Thank you". I felt good after. My sisters and I all felt good. It was Christmas Eve and we gave gifts to another family. My mom made us hot chocolate, a Christmas favorite, and we read from Luke 2 about the birth of the Savoir. 
  We woke up the next morning to presents under the Christmas Tree from Santa. WE never expected that, as my mom clearly said Santa would not be able to bring us everything we wanted, you know kids that are more poor than us. But he found us. 
   That was the year I confirmed Santa was real, and I felt the true meaning  of Christmas at the same time.

Lavatia and I on Christmas Day! Yep! 75 F Degrees

More School in Hawaii

The Laie Elementary School First and Second Grade Classes.  I am on the right, trying to peer from behind a Samoan Girl

There were some things that puzzled me about being in First Grade in Hawaii.

 We had a principal that was very eluding. I hardly saw him. But, I did once see this ping pong paddle made into a spanking paddle, with holes. I thought my sister, D, was trying to freak me out (refer to the My mom is not my mom story) and I can not remember what happened, but I was put in the Principal's Office. The Principal sat me down, and talked to me and showed me his paddle. I never ever did anything at school for getting paddled, I want to make that clear. I was a good student, and I liked my teachers, but this school I did not like. I remember throwing fits having to go there.

  I had a teacher that hated me. I thought she did. She would get angry at us kids and yell. So, there were 4 teachers to a class, and 64 of us. My mom was a "Room Mom" and we had to make cookies and stuff for various class parties, I remember my mom saying, "64 kids in one class? Wow!" My birthdays were usually at the time of year that teachers were preparing for Valentines Day, and so for Valentines my mom was pretty tired doing more treats. I got a choice. I would be allowed to buy my treats for my birthday, or make them and I could not make both for my birthday and Valentines. Because this class was so big, I was only allowed to invite 7 kids to my Birthday party. I asked boys and girls to my Party. I kind of got a bonus.

My mom was best friends with another single mother going to BYU of Hawaii also. Her name was S C and she was Haole like our family. She had 4 sons and they were about the same age as I, we did a lot of things together, and so I invited Susan's boys an still was allowed to invite my 7 class mates!!! My mom, knowing that all 7 kids would not be able to come out witted me, but, it was worth a try.

   So, the day came. The sun was hot and sunny that day. It was a perfect day too!

As my Birthday was on a week day, the Saturday after my actual Birthday was the day of my Party.

I had so much fun! Three doors down from me was a little Chinese Family. They were from Hong Kong. Kim Fi Chan and his wife, Wa. Wa had beautiful thick long black hair! I loved her so much. This person was so beautiful and her husband was a good man.

  Well, Angela their 2 year old daughter was the first one I invited to my party. Here I was turning 7 and my mom said, "Are you sure? She is a baby, you want a baby to your party?" I loved Angela so much, she was like a little sister to me, and I had to have her at my party. Well, She came. I have pictures to prove it, they are in Utah and not in Turkey presently so, I will have to just show the pictures I have.

 It is interesting what a child's mind remembers and does not remember.

 I remember three other people being at my party. One boy named Izumi Kyoto (The rest of his name along with time has been erased). He came to my party.  Izumi was so nice and his mom adored me. I would go to his house to play with his Godzilla action figures and his mom would drive to the other side of the island in Honolulu and she invited me a couple of times. I recall going to the Japanese Gardens and then driving through the mountains into a huge Japanese Market that sold everything from Japan there. I returned with a bunch of Hello Kitty Stickers and candies from said store. His mom bought me a dress that I loved wearing. It was light blue and had a zipper down the front. I still have it put away in my storage in Utah. He made it clear that was not the gift he wanted to give me but that his mom gave it to me. He wanted to give me Godzilla Action Figures, but his mom insisted that a dress was more appropriate for a blue eyed blond haired girl. 

Gretchen was a Haole too. She was one of the few in my classes that was a Haole with me. She was also from the same church as I and so we were able to pal around often. Gretchen came to my birthday party. 

 She had an older sister that had a Maori Friend. That Maori friend and I befriended each other years and years later. 

Time, like water to a sand castle, has slowly eroded my memory, however, it is said over and over that I have more memories of my childhood and of this time than anyone of my family put together. 

 We had great Field Trips. 

 Golden Meadows Milk Farm

Japanese Gardens

Sea Wold in Honolulu

The PCC (Polynesian Cultural Center)

The Beach Across the Street

Honolulu Zoo

Miss Barbara's Horse Ranch (One of the 4 teachers I had had a Horse Ranch)

 I think Her Husband owned GunStock Ranch in Laie. We went there twice and they were her horses. 

D had come home one day from school crying and saying that she went to a Bull Fight that happened to be part of a Rodeo. She described in detail and with horror how the Bull was slaughtered and how the swords of the Matador was pierced into the Bull. I listened to her through tears and after a few minutes my mom went in the room with Danae and Danae came out of the room and never talked about the Bull Fight again. At the point, I stopped eating beef. I never realized before where beef had come from. D used to tell me I was eating Dead Animal and that mom had found it on the side of the road. She would say it joking to me about beef and I believed everything D said.  However, that day I thought about how the fat and the flesh were put together and I would look at the flesh and kind of not in a humane way but I would think this had blood in it and sometimes I would find a vein in my piece of beef, better yet, chicken. When it is in the beef, since the beef is brown, it would sort of blend in but in white meat such as chicken, the veins really are noticeable. The veins would stand out to me and if I found a piece of vein in my chicken I would end my meal fast. It drove my mom crazy. She said I was a picky eater. I was more of a vegetable eater and ate tons of salads. School Lunches killed me. I loved mashed potatoes, but the lunch ladies would ruin it with some kind of beef gravy that looked like chunky snot to me.  They had to give it to us by law, but there was nothing in the law about me pulling my tray away right at the last second and the lunch lady ladling the food all over the service line and none of it hitting my tray. It was instinct for me to pull away. The Lunch Lady would get so annoyed with me but, how could they ruin perfectly good mashed potatoes with horrible gravy. To this day, I can not order gravy anywhere. I have been continually disappointed with poorly made and disgusting looking gravy. Word out there. If you feed me, you better be a better cook than my family, or myself in order for me to eat at your establishment. 

We got Free Lunch in Hawaii. Same with Free Breakfast. All I have to say is, I am living proof that if you are hungry enough, and something looks disgusting, I will not eat it. Just because something is free it does not  mean that I have to eat it, and when something is free, it does not make it good to eat. 

  My mom was a Full Time Student At BYU Hawaii, as well as worked int eh Cafeteria. Kim Fi Chan was her boss. He was in charge of the Cafeteria there and would allow us to eat one free meal there a day. Some of the days that my mom had to work I would go there after school when we did not meet her at the beach, and we would hang out with my mom until her shift was over. We would eat there for dinner. The food was amazing there. And, not one made me eat the horrible booger-y looking gravy. 

Wa would come with Angela, and we would play. Those were the days. 

Another thing that now puzzled me about School in Hawaii. we would have cubby holes. In those cubby holes we would put our projects that were supposed to go home for that day, if we had a jacket we would hang the jacket on the hook under our name that matched our cubby. However, I was never scolded for removing my shoes. I hated shoes and I always removed my shoes, put them in my cubby for the day, and would only bring them out of my cubby when I would step on these horrible stickers that from time to time while playing, I would step on. These stickers were opened, and when a victim stepped on them, the plants' leaves would close up and sting the foot of the victim. I do not know what these stickers were called but I remember the pain. The said plant had tiny purple flowers and the beauty of those flower did not make the pain less bearable. I would slip my slippers on and run back out to play, but kick off my shoes within minutes of putting them on. Another time I would wish I wore my shoes, but within minutes of having them on, attribute my shoes to my pain was when I stubbed my big toes. It seemed to me that on BYU Campus, the concrete was different to that of Salt Lake City. I thought it more rough. Little grooves across the side walks. looking back I think it was because of the rain falls in Hawaii, to keep the side walks from being so slick, they would have little groves horizontally across the side walks. Well, I would stub my toes often and the pain and the toes feeling like they were going to fall off. When I had my shoes on It seemed I stubbed my toes more. My mom always said it was my lack of shoes. But she also understood my disdain for wearing shoes, as my mom is a barefoot lover herself. It must be the Native American blood seeping in my veins that caused me to hate shoes so much and when I returned to the Main Land, many times people around me would say, "This is not Hawaii, put your shoes on". How those words stung. Didn't people understand how bad shoes are? to this day, I take off my shoes every chance I get. And am proud of my bare footed walks in beaches, and everywhere else I can get away with   

My Birth Father ... In Hawaii?

While I was in Hawaii with my mom and sisters, my birth father, my dad, visited me for three days. We were in a hotel room in Honolulu. I remember it very vaguely, but I have some memories of that time. 
  I loved being with my dad, and I remember we went to the Japanese Gardens and we went to the beach a lot. 
  If my memory serves me well, my dad also got a bad sun burn. 
 My sister, D and I became quite the companions also.  We were in a one bedroom apartment separated by only a room divider. This room divider was the same idea as having French doors, and was in the same area as the living room, with the "French Doors" separating the living room and the bedroom. with that, there was only enough room for two beds in that room. So, My older sister and I got one bed and my mom shared a bed with Chimra. I hated sleeping with Chimra because she would kick me and took all the covers. 
 Everyday after school my sisters and I would meet, walk together to the beach across the street from the school, and then we would meet our mom there. 
 This was an everyday occurrence. I loved the beach. I loved everything about the beach. I really hated being in Utah, because I would have to wear closed in shoes and it was so cold for me. 
  But, living in Hawaii and California I could wear flip flops, (some Hawaiians called them slippers) And I could wear my swim suit under my dress. 
 There was a janitor that was really weird about me wearing a swim suit to school and made a comment about it once, and I did not understand what he was trying to say but I told my mom and asked her what it meant and she asked me to show her that same Janitor the next day, and my mom met me after school at my class and I pointed him out. Well, My mom told me to stay there she wanted to talk to him. 
  My mom approached him, and let's put it this way... My mom is freaking BAD ASS!  My mom was so cool, I felt this sense of wow!!! She told that guy off and you know what? That Janitor stopped working there too... That is what my mom did, protected us and was awesome at it. 
 You hear of stories of single mom's that allowed their kids to get hurt by the boyfriends that they dated or whatever, not my mom. I recall her telling me later in life that one man wanted to marry her when I was 3, but that guy said something rude about me and she decided to not marry him.  That's how my mom rolled. I was happy. That weirdo guy never came around me again.