The Wrap Up

  Still in Second grade, there were something that I distinctly recall in my memory that I have to add. 
  First was that the Christmas of that year, Christmas 1977, I went with my mom and sisters to Colorado in the mountains, near Hotchkiss in the  Colorado Rockies. I loved going there. It was fun. My grandpa lived here a little while before he moved to La Sal. My grandpa had lived in the region for about 12 years, as he had moved from Alaska after my mom graduated from High School. 
  I got a bike that year from Santa Claus. It was purple Schwinn with a white long banana seat. What happened to the pictures of me on the bike, I do not know but, I wish I had them.
 We bought our milk from the Kiltcher Family. They had moved to Payson and Atz was running a boy's Ranch there for a while. He was teaching the kids how to work in the Horse Ranch and staying off drugs. We would buy our fresh milk from them. We would see them from time to time. 
   I got baptized when I was 8 years old and in the Second Grade. My Grandpa was not there at my Baptism. I really wanted him and my uncles and aunts there. Alas, they did not come. 
  My mom hired a 6th Grader boy to baby sit us for two hours, but D, being smarter and better babysitter than he, and only in Third grade, fired him and sent him home. 
 I was playing on the Merri - Go- Round when I fell off and skidded and was dragged under it. When the kids finally stopped, and realized I was under it, I was somewhat stuck, so they did not move me until my mom came and helped me out. I was badly bruised and no broken bones, but my om had to take me to the ER to make sure that there was nothing wrong with me
 I mentioned Charlie before when we lived in California. He came to visit us for a little while and that was the last I saw of him. 
  Also, mom was dating a guy from Ephriam, Utah. He was the Basket Ball coach for Snow College, so we would go visit him from time to time. He had three older sons. We would laugh of the thought of our parents marry-ing... Just like the Brady Bunch. 
    I was a bear in a play, an adaptation to The Jungle Book. My mom watched every single one of the performances. 
 I took tap and ballet classes with Heather. We had a blast dancing. 
That about wraps up the Second Grade
 

My Sister, The Magician

D,as I have mentioned earlier, was 18 months older than me, but it seemed she was about 15 years older than myself in many other areas. She was my protector, she was my older wiser version of me and when my mom could not talk sense into me, D could say it in terms that made sense to me. Sometimes, she was more strict than mom. Other times she was more like a best friend and I would forget she was my sister. Wow, How I idolized her. I seriously thought of her as my hero. I adored her and she loved me very much, too. She knew how I felt before anything was said. She was going through the same thing as I, but for some reason, I was more little girl-ish on some things, and I still am. And she is always still more logical and rational than myself.

 Well, why would I talk about her now? One day, mom had to get milk at the store and D and I did not want Chimera with us, and so mom took Chimera. It was D and I alone for about 15 minutes, We lived in the Basement apartment of the Kilchers. I got scared, and to distract me, D did a dime trick. She told me she was a magician. She told me she could make the dime disappear. She did. By swallowing it and chocking on it. My mom walked in right as she swallowed it, and started chocking. I thought it was disgusting and gross when she ran the bathroom and threw it up, but then asked her if she could make any other money disappear and throw it up. 

 I was easily entertained. My mom however, did not let D entertain me like that again. So, I have that one time to relish. My sister now is a magician still. She makes all my sadness go away when I visit her. I love her with all my heart. Isn't that how sisters are supposed to be?

Before I Continue...

I must add something I had not mentioned before.
 I am kind of accident pronged. I do not try to be and as a matter of fact am a very cautious person, but sadly, accidents seem to follow  me from time to time. I will tell you a few I can remember before the age of 8.
Apart from the  cuts and bruises that normal kids go through, I, with my sisters living in the basement apartment of the Kilcher's home in Sugarhouse was told by Atz to not lock (our basement) bathroom door. The door was quite quite old and required a skeleton key, and I am sure looking back that we did not have a key to open the door. He would tell us girls that a lot. One day, I was playing with Shane's Little Tykes tool kit, there was a plastic bolt in the kit. We were playing around when I put the plastic bolt on my finger as a ring. I screwed it down tight, not thinking much about it when a few minutes later, I could not get it off. So, what is a normal three year old to do when she can not get a plastic ring that is really a bolt on her finger to do but to lock herself in the bathroom she was told to not lock and go pee (because in really bad situations my adrenaline gets going, I have to pee) and, try to get off the bolt from my finger with water? And so that is exactly what I did! I locked myself in the bathroom and  then realized I could not get out. I also realized that I was in trouble with my finger stuck in the bolt because it was turning dark red and was starting to hurt. So, I did what any normal 3-4 year old would do... I sat for a while because I thought, "Wonder Woman can open the door, I am sure I can too" (I was certain I was Wonder Woman, the comic heroine. I loved her.) So, I could not open it. I waited until my finger was purple, then it started to hurt, so I started to scream. Well,  no one heard me for a while and my mom came and asked me what happened. I told her everything and she asked me why I locked the door. I said because I thought I could open it. At first I did not want her to get Atz, because I knew Atz would not be happy with me, but finally Atz opened the door and got the bolt off with a lot of soap and lotion and then he asked me if my finger was fine. When I said yes, he lectured me on not listening to  safety rules, but then he hugged me and my mom did too.
  That same house and a few weeks later, I was playing outside with my barbie and doll when I saw a cat come to me. This cat was a stray cat, from what I knew and my mom had told me to not go near stray cats because they can hurt you.
My mom was making Flour Tortilla Quesadillas. It was around 5:30 pm because it was close to dinner time. I was petting the cat when I thought, I could give her milk. Well, she turned around to go when I pulled her tail to bring her back to me, she turned around and bit me and bit me hard! to literally took a chunk out of my arm. To the bone. She did some scratching too. At first I was not bleeding. I was a little freaked out so I screamed to my mom and mom came running up the stairs and ran in the drive way where I was. She looked at my arm and I said a cat bit me. She ran and grabbed paper towels and told D and Chimera to run upstairs to the Kilchers. Well, Nedra was home but Atz was still at work or something so mom had to take me to the ER and I got stitches. Not only did I get stitches but it was a harrowing experience for me because I hate needles. Well, I had to get a few shots, to make sure there was no infectious diseases the cat could have given me. The Doctor had to get one Doctor to hold down one leg, another for the other leg. I needed one for my arm, and one for my other arm. Sadly, I saw what the 5th Doctor was doing, in his glasses, I could see him stitching me up and I saw screaming "You're sewing me up!" so he had to bring my mom to come in the room and hold my face and cover my eyes with her hands and shield me from seeing only her face. She said how I was brave and it will be over soon and how the Dr needs to put stitches in my arm because I have deep cuts but that she will take care of me. I remember my mom was so sad, but she knew I had to have them. I seriously thought I was being tortured. After the Dr gave me a bunch of lollipops and I  apologized to hi for kicking him. He said I was not a bad patient. he gave me some pain killers because the first few days were really painful.
I had to have my arm wrapped and had to take medication to prevent infection and my mom gave me something for pain when I needed it.  I did not want to unwrap the wound so my mom helped me in the tub and out of it to make sure my arm stayed dry.
 Looking back, what an ordeal for my mom!
 I can say, I still have needle fears, but, I am trying to get over them. I do keep a cooler head.
I can say that I do handle physical pain better than most people. I feel pain but do have a higher pain threshold than other people. Maybe it is my way of survival.

Adorable me. On my 3rd or 4th Birthday

Samson. My Beloved Friend

My mom was working and going to school. And she had a boyfriend. This boyfriend of hers we had known and he was just friends with my mom when we lived in Salt Lake City, after living in Atz and Nedra Kiltcher's basement apartment but right before we moved to Hawaii. His name was D.Y. Now, they were just friends and writing to each other back and forth while we were living in Hawaii, and when we moved back from Hawaii my mom was dating him. Us girls really really liked him a lot. He was a sweet guy, really tall. Taller than my birth father, and a basketball player for one of the bigger universities in Utah.

He spoke Swedish and German and Norwegian and he had a baritone voice when he sang. He laughed a lot and would pretend he was a bear. Very great guy. We were sure Danae and I, were sure that mom would marry this guy. He was a keeper. In the meantime, what I rarely mentioned before was my mom's family.

   My mom was the eldest of 9 kids. One child died at 5 months old, when my mom was probably 5 or 6. So, I never knew her. My mom have a younger sister that was younger than her, we lived with her in California. We also had uncles. Four of them. They were awesome. Then, we had two more aunts. They would come see us a lot. My uncle when I was 5  years old we were living in Salt Lake, He would come see us and go skiing. He once tried to take my mom. My mom hated skiing so much she ended up walking down the hill. She laughs about it now but she did not back then.

My  uncles and aunts would come visit and stay a few days and sometimes we would go live with my uncles and aunts for all summer. I recall many stories with which I will have to share, but I will just share the story of my uncles meeting James.

 Now,D,afew times visited my Grandma and Grandpa's house. They lived in La Sal, Utah. La Sal is a tiny place, and it is near Moab. I loved going there because my uncles would take me to the Arches. I would climb and crawl around those arches with my aunts. Rae, and Athena. They were so much fun and my uncles and aunts were like my brothers and sisters to me. We had a huge blast. Well, my mom's family lived in country in La Sal and country in Utah is different in different places. La Sal was red desert and High Plateau. Red Mountain Rock and Sand Rocks all over. Southern Utah is where many many of the Great Western Films were made, and Jimmy Stuart filmed about 96% of all his Cowboy Westerns in Southern Utah,If not ll. Well, La Sal was surrounded by Red Sand, the ground was very different with browns, blues, and purples and mostly red. My Grandpa had a horse name Dynamite. He was a black horse and I was allowed to ride him when my uncles were with me. Dynamite lived by his name was was a little flighty but, I loved him Silver Dollar was another horse they had, I remember, and our sweet horse, Cinnamon had returned to the Great Father Sky, which broke my heart, but knowing he would be able to eat apples everyday gave me hope that I would once again see Cinnamon and ride him like I did when I was three.

  Now, John would take me there for a couple of weeks. He would drive me there to La Sal, drop me off and I would spend lots of time with my uncles and aunts. My grandpa had a sweet dog. I can not recall her nae right now, but she had puppies and one day, I grew so found of the fattest biggest puppy I pleaded with my grandpa if I could keep him on the farm with him and he could be mine. To my delight and joy, my grandpa, uncles aunts and grandma all said Yes. He was so big and huge paws. He was a mighty dog and I named him Samson. Samson and I would go for what seemed to be hours, in the country fields of La Sal. We would watch the rabbits and Samson would try to chase them. Samson was huge. Samson was on his hind legs 6' 8" tall because he was the exact height as my mom's boyfriend, John. Now, Samson was half Black Lab and Half St Bernard. He was all black but on his neck he had a small speck of white. He had the biggest paws I had ever seen on a dog, and I have seen hundreds.

  He had the saliva glands of a St Bernard and a heart of a puppy. He thought he was a puppy. That is no doubt his mother's black lab spirit. Oh how I loved Samson and I would go digging out in the Country. I would look for bottles, old coins, Arrow heads. One day, while out digging, a thunder storm was approaching. not too fast. clouds were rolling slowly in and I knew in Southern Utah and Eastern Utah, Flash Floods came swift. My grandpa taught me how to watch for storms. He would always say you can smell a storm coming. He was right. You could. I also knew that the storm was coming and it started getting late because normally coyotes would howl and yip at night but I hardly ever heard nor saw them in the day. Strange... I saw one. I wanted to run but my uncle Paul, always said to not run and keep really still because they might want to catch you. They liked to chase. So, I sat frozen and not a second sooner did Samson jump up, ran faster than lightening and chase down the coyote but not only did he chase down the coyote, and caught it, I started running back home. I knew I did not have to worry about Samson. I knew it was his way of protecting me. A couple seconds, I looked back... I heard a yelp. I thought, What do I do. I saw Old Yeller and was scared tat what happened to Old Yeller would happen to Samson. But I saw Samson coming back... Not even a scratch on him!!! We hurried home and before I got home I was tired, I laid myself on Samson and Samson carried me back home to safety on his back, the size of a pony. Samson did eat Rabbit, which made me sad but one day my Uncle Ian explained it was sad, but that the bunnies were eating their garden and Samson protected our food. Uncle Ian was and still is my dearest most beloved uncle. However,I adore all my uncles with much love.

Sadly, I do not know what happened to my pictures of me in Southern Utah in those Days. more on that later, But I know that I have pictures of me and Samson out there somewhere. I hope my Grandpa is keeping them safe.

My uncle and me. Riding Cinnamon

What I Write

My Dear Reader, 

          To this point you have read many wonderful and interesting things about my childhood. All of which are true. The only thing that is fictional, is my name and a few other small details.

 If of course you were to ask my mom, she would refute most of it for privacy sake and as for my sisters, they are of no use because their memory is far less than perfect than that of mine, and for some reason it is a blessing and a curse to have such memories. 

  What I am about to write is true in all accounts and when you read and ask yourself,  "What the Frack?" which I trust you will not say the other F word, please know that my mom is wonderful, marvelous and would never EVER do anything to hurt me. 

I have mentioned earlier that my dearest and oldest friend, Heather and I paled around all that Summer of 1977 and into the school year of 1978. We were in 2nd Grade. 

 What I failed to write you is an incident that takes us back to Hawaii. I did this intentionally because what I am about to write is harrowing and traumatic for me. 

 This and some other experiences are not for the faint heart(ed), indeed and not for the eyes of small children nor children, and so please if you want to read something that is more of a Disney Cartoon, please move on now. For those of you that are more of the curious nature, and understand that what I write is for the strength and to help you understand more about me as the writer and what my future looks, please, carry on. But I have thus so warned you.

  In the Fall-ish time of 1976, while I was playing outside with my friends, I was called home. Now, in those days (I can not believe I am using such terms, It reminds me of my grandpa, using that) Calling was a manner of a mother opening a window to the home and shouting your name and, usually followed a reason for being called. And so, My mother called to me, (yes, in those days, you were called to, not simply called) "Leeeenaaa- Time for Supper!" Now, dear reader, yes, it was still called supper and that is what e called it in our home. 

 Another rule to mention: When being called or playing outside, you must always be ear shot from mom or the one in authority when going to a friends house. If you are away from ear shot, (and ear shot means when you are called you can hear it, even if it is faint, you can hear it) then you are close enough. But, If you go out of ear shot from Momma or authoritative figure, you are indeed in trouble. If mom calls, and you do not come in a couple of minutes, then sister or brother is sent. If sister or brother is sent and can not find you, pray for a good hiding place because mom is not angry, but worried. But, I tell you for certain, hell hath no fury when mom finds you and you refuse to call back, answer or refuse to come. Anger and Worry sometimes have a fine line with mom's. (tee hee)

  And so, I was called. When upon walking by the laundromat, I spied a car with a man that looked of black hair and blue eyes. The man was intently watching me. I was trying to get to my mom, but he called me over to his car and asked me if I knew where Elvis Presley's home was in Oahu. I told him I drove by the gates a few times during Field Trips and he asked me if I thought I looked like him. I said maybe, and I noticed he was doing something with his hands. I felt uneasy and scared, and I told him I had to go. He said, "Wait, " and asked me where I lived. I said, I don't know. (because of the Candy Man incident I had learned a thing or two See Here If you don't know the Story) I started walking to the car, because he had a bunch of silver dollars on his dash board. My Step-Dad-Semi-Dad gave those to me all the time. He was holding something in the lap in front of him and he was asking me all kinds of questions, like "Why does your mom go to BYU Hawaii, You have two sisters, Where is your Father". He seemed to know my mom and sisters, but my mom never brought him home as a friend or anything. I did not know how to answer and then I noticed, while he was talking to me, he had his pants down half way to his knees and he was masturbating. I did not know what it was, (the masturbating ) and my mom's best friend at the time had a boy about two years old and still in diapers and my mom baby sat him once.   She and I changed his diaper (which was cloth... the smell was intensely horrific) So, I knew what a boy's private part was, but I did not understand everything that was happening. I felt strange and weird and scared and I ran. I turned around and ran all the way home and sat for a minute on my bed. I thought I was in trouble. I did not know what was happening. My mom saw that something was wrong, and I said "Oh, mom, I am so sorry I did not come fast when you called me" She said, "But I didn't call you, You were at Lavatia's, are you OK?" and I just sobbed. My mom hugged me tight for a long time, well, I did not know how long and finally I told her what happened. She jumped up and ran to the laundromat, came back and told me to tell her everything. At first she did not believe me.. Wait, she was in shock and disbelief, and asked me for details. When you have a little girl saying this man had his pants off, but could not describe what... those parts looked like and in a house full of girls only, you want to get your facts straight before calling the police because those are pretty serious accusations. I was able to describe everything quite into detail and my mom when she saw that I was telling her the truth, and told her everything, she called the police. (yes, reader, now, on the phone, not from the window) We did not have a phone, as I don't recall one, but I do recall Kim Fi and Wa Chan having one, and so my mom called the police from their home. 

  The police came and got a full description of the car, the man and our conversation and then, what he was doing. That part was hard for me because it was with a man. I never used bathroom words with anyone before. But, I was taught to always trust police. And I knew mom was safe, I could trust mom. I did tell the officer everything I knew. Every detail. My older sister, D, was so upset, and strangely, Chimera was laughing and smiling a very strange wiry smile. Like a sheepishly thought it was funny type of smile. I was always perplexed by what she thought was funny and what she thought was serious. In retro-spect, it was an evil grin, but more on that later. 

  Now, reader, here comes another part to the year I lived on 818 E 300 South in Provo. 

  As you recall, I lived with my mom and sisters in an apartment that was in a South Side of Town. Now, There is a saying that in Provo, anything South of Center Street the "poorer" people lived there, and anything West of University Avenue was where the really poor lived. There was an area South of the Train Tracks that, yes, was the wrong side of the Tracks.  

 I have mentioned before that My mom was called a Visiting Teacher (See here as an explanation to what a VT is)  My mom and Heather's mom were companions. They would Visit Teach a woman named "Sister Stanley" Who lived on the West and South corner of  300 South and 900 East. Now, Dear reader, in the following posts you will see something more insidious than  that my mom, Heather's mom, Donna, nor anyone would or could ever ever dream. In the mean time, please just continue reading. 

Let's remember this was in the late 1970's. Jaws was a HUGE hit, and although I was not allowed to see it, I knew it was about a Great White Shark, that Terrorized people, and then I saw it, which instead of making me fear The deep blue oceans, made me have a more love for them and wanting to be a marine biologist, and I had a fear for swimming pools, I know weird. (The story as to why I have a fear of swimming pools is Here, Click This )  And This was the same time that David was living in the same city as us so we would get to go do many wonderful things with him. One of them was movies for Free. 

  This was a time of me running around a neighborhood, going to the Library with my sisters or with my friends, I would get on the city bus alone and was safe going to BYU to paint ceramics with my sister or friends and it was safe, people. Not like it is today)

 Sister Swasysupposedly as sweet little old lady that was afraid of things that moved at night. She was sweet and made cookies and cakes for everyone in the neighborhood. She had a little cart that would go with her to the grocery store, buy her items and she would pull them on the way home. She, like many other people, would collect glass bottles and take them back to the store for her 5cent deposit. Yes, a cute little small framed woman. With two sons. (Maybe more?) And she was afraid of the dark. And Lonely. She would call up Heather's mom and ask if one of her daughters would please come sleep at her house with her because her son is not home and she would not be able to sleep because she was scared to be alone, and, Heather would ask me to come. Sometimes, Corrina and Chimera would go instead of me and Heather, and other times it would be all four of us girls. This was the same time that my mom would never be able to understand why I started throwing huge rage fits, and I would not be able to explain either. 

  At this same Summer, my sister, Chimera, had an aunt, Emma. Emma's dad, whom I loved very much, had died when I was 5, was a very strong influence in Emma's life. Emma was the youngest of one sister and three brothers. She was not only the youngest but old enough to be a child to her other sister, Seda. Seda actually had a son that was the exact same age as her. They were growing up together, but in two different lives, at the same time. Emma was 14-15 years old and dating a man that was 24 years old. She had just lost her father a couple years before that and had already taken up smoking, she was in a lot of pain. Now, with a boyfriend that was really really horrible news and basically allowed to come to there house whenever he wanted, he was definitely a bad guy, and I never liked him. I was not allowed to go there when he was around, but I was allowed to sleep over at my grandma's house (Emma's mom's house)  Miguel was Emma's boyfriend, and they ended up getting married because Emma got pregnant at 15 or 16. Miguel would always try to get me to drink alcohol and then try to kiss him and stuff. I never ever did. He would how ever, try to come into my grandma's bedroom while I was sleeping and Emma or Grandma would tell him, Leave her alone. He would be drunk and laugh. Emma would do everything to just get him away, but this man was very forcible and very abusive to her, to her mom and to everyone in her family. David, Emma's brother and Chimera's dad, was very protective and never wanted anyone bad around me. But Miguel was just a bad guy.  

  Also, at the same time, I was from time to time sleeping at Sister Stanley's house. Heather and Corrina would want us to go with them to her house because they hated going alone. 

  Sister Sy, I said, had two sons. (maybe more?) She would make strange beef stroganoff   and it looked like puke to me. She would pray, which I was used to, but she would start her prayers with "Dear God..." (which was normal) But end with "Please kill the sons of bitches police that killed my innocent sweet son that was in Prison for no good reason. " or "Kill anyone that lies about my sons" or "Thrust to hell and may the devil take any police that come knocking on my door" Creepy??? I think so. No wonder why Heather and Corrina never wanted to sleep there? Yeah. Oddly, she would tell the some  weird strange bed time story. Of how her son was killed innocently on Halloween Night. Of how her sons are so sweet and kind and would never hurt a soul and how if anyone says or does anything to them, they would be protected by God and his mighty Angels would come with wrath and a mighty sword and kill anyone and their families for ever speaking ill of her precious sons. We would after, sit up and whisper to each other and dose off to sleep. I can give you details of the house. The home, upon walking in the front door, was a wide rectangular shaped living room, much like a bungalow 1920's style, very common in Utah in the 1920's. All bungalow in Utah had basements, and this was no exception. Basements are so very common there because of the winters freezing pipes, this helped prevent pipes from freezing, bursting and causing all sorts of havoc. I am not sure, but I rarely have been in a home in Utah where there was not a basement. Unless it was a manufactured home. And I was only in one of those in all my life in Utah. 

  Her home was a bungalow style, but she had no regular porch like the 1920 style homes, maybe because of poverty, or maybe because she preferred not having one. The kitchen was off the the left upon coming into the home and to the right was her bedroom, which I never saw. Through the kitchen, which was rather small for a home, smaller than Heather's family's kitchen, on the right was a small bathroom, and further through the kitchen were stairs leading to the basement which was her, Sister Stanley's son's bedroom, and storage. Going down to the basement was a bunch of antlers with baseball caps. (For those of you not aware, it is fact that is a true sign of a Red-Neck, or what my family and friend circle call, White Trash.) Some of the antlers with the baseball caps had guns, rifles mounted or places across, and a few had bows or cross bows hanging from them. It was sure sign of very strange and very menacing to me when I would look from Sister Stanley's kitchen table to the basement as she would tell us over and over how her son died innocently on Halloween Night at the hands of evil police officers in jail. I never said anything to my mom about this because, as Sister Stanley put it, if I did, all my family would die. My mom, my sisters, and Heather's family would too. I was sworn to secrecy to not say anything. I believed that my mom and sisters would get hurt. I was too scared to do anything. Or say anything. 

   Another thing that was really bothersome for me, and something  I never understood at the time, was the next day when I would come home from sleeping at Sister Stanley's house was the fact that I never knew where my underwear went. My mom would ask me, as she would clean my clothes, and I was embarrassed, so I would say, "Heather needed a new pair, again. Hers had holes in them," or, "Corrina had small one that were hurting her" My mom believed those stories because I was the type to give the shirt or coat off  my back to someone who needed it more than me, even at that age, and I have several times before and since. It made sense to my mom and my mom would go and replace my socks, underwear, etc etc that I would give to my friends and other kids at school. The dream I had, were not dreams,but rather, I would see Sister Stanley's son in my window late at night, and scream and my mom would come to my room only to find nothing out the window. But he would be there, and he would have one of his rifles, watching me. Not just one time, but several times. My mom, since she never could find him actually at  my window always thought it was night terrors, and took me to a Doctor. The Doctor confirmed, Night Terrors, which are in fact genetic, and so, gave my mom ideas on what to do about them, not feed me sugars after a certain time, make sure I had plenty of sleep, no stress, play soft music in my room as a I fell asleep, read with me happy stories and stories about princesses, or happily ever after type stories, and even stories about Bible People, Stories of How Jesus loves little children. She was never preachy, nor never told us, You will go to Hell if you... " My mom was never that way. She would tell us of how Jesus did so many kind things to so many people. My mom would tell us funny stories she would make up or even real stories about her life as a child in Alaska and stories about when we were babies.   But then, I would still get these feelings some one was watching me, I would look out my window and he would be there. One night, D saw him. She verified that he was watching us, but he did in fact vanish as if he was only a dream and my sister D can not remember these to this day. 

    Chimera took another approach to sleeping at Sister Stanley's house and my mom had greater far more problems she had to focus on with Chimera. 

     Chimera was really strange. I know in my Christian Culture all Children are born innocent and pure. Unlike other Christians we never baptize babies because I was taught children are free from the Sin of Adam and Eve, and so, why should we baptize an Innocent Pure Child?  I do believe that this philosophy is true, but I believe there are some Children that should never have been born either. I have heard it said of Cain that Eve had a "Struggle within her womb" and I believe that my mom had the same. My sister chimera was not normal. 

  My mom was going to school and working hard. My sister and I would have about 1-2 hours of having to watch Chimera before my mom got home, but very rare times. My mom tried her best to be in school or work when we were and be home when we were. But, if she could not be, Chimera was to walk with us to her Grandma's house and wait for my mom or her dad to get off work or school and My older sister and I were very able and capable of coming home, doing one or two chores and then working on homework or doing what we were told. Chimera never did anything she was told. What took normal moms 20 minutes to get out the door, with a child like Chimera we knew we would have to wait another hour before my mom could do anything. My sister and I were deeply annoyed with Chimera and her manipulative ways. She was very manipulative. She would when she got her way, sneak a look at me and smile. Her smile at me was always cunning and snake like. She was never in trouble. Never. One time she was angry with me because we were playing a game of Sorry! when I was ahead by little and trying to let her win even giving her help, she punched herself very hard in the chest, started screaming, hit herself with the game board and my mom ran to her aid. I was so angry at her and said I hated her. I got in trouble for hitting, punching, cheating on the game, and not playing nicely with my sister. As I sat crying on my bed, and a tearful angry fit of my mom sitting on me because I threw a fit because I felt cheated and trapped and I was accused of lying, my mom was comforting chimera and not me, my mom's back was turned to me but Chimera's face was to me. The once brown eyes that Chimera had were totally black and her smile made me loathe her completely with a deep frustration , insecure and fear feelings I had never known in my life nor since to any other human being I have ever had. I had all my life been truthful, good and kind but very up front about people and situations and many would call me a judgmental bitch. But I have always stood by my word, and 99% of the time I was right about those people, the situations and when I was wrong, Oh Hell I would shout it out and claim to everyone I was wrong. But with Chimera, I never understood the power she had over my mom. It was like a poison and like stinging nettle that would burn me all my life.  Chimera was mean to animals too. We had a kitten we had to watch and protect from Chimera. Danae and I . Tawny. We named her Tawny after a Golden Book about a lion called "Tawny Scrawny Loin", we then had another cat named Taffy. (salt Water Taffy is a Specialty in Utah from the Great Salt Lake) And then we had a dog, a Caca-poo... We called I can not remember his name. But, every pet we had we had to watch Chimera. Most times we had to just say.. Oh, That is Chimera. Looking back, she was once messed up girl. It was all genetics, and really mom did everything to discipline her. Well, Mom never spanked us. Ever. But she had to swat Chimera a couple of times. But wow, Chimera deserved a swat. My mom was really at her wits end with that girl and my sister and I saw the effects of her too. 

  More on this Stanley guy is to come. 

All I will say about Miguel is Emma ended up divorcing him, getting a court order that he was not allowed to go within 25 yards of his son, Emma or the house that Emma lived. A few months later, Miguel was in a car accident that made him even more crazy. He ended up being the south Provo Pervert watching around town flashing little girls and going in and out of the State Mental Hospital and eventually I do not currently know his where about nor do I care. I know a lot of friends that are in the Sheriff and Police Departments in the County, and a few lawyers. They have said some harrowing things about him. All of which are true. He is and was a sick person and Genetics that are bad breed more Genetically Sick people. 
  You will see that through all of this, how people turned out and how lives and people and perspectives change. And How love helps to change. But, how sometimes you can not change nor expect someone to change. And you will later see how everything unfolds. 

 

 

Proof I Had Friends

My last blog did not include pictures. 

I wanted to show some now

Second Grade Picture

Because I just so darn CUTE! I had to put me on my Second Birthday

Me and my Friend whom I named Heather. There is another one of this, I was posing because I thought we were going to pose.

Second Grade

I spent my second grade in Provo Utah, and down the street from a couple of crazy guys. 
 There was one guy that was weird. I forgot his name, but he lived near my Grandma's house, but I was told by David to stay away from him. He was always trying to hold my hand and he was OLD. He was weird. He was always trying to get me and my sister to come to his house, and Heather warned me big time about him. 
  We had another problem. Heather and I. There were a group of 10 graders that would hide from us after school and jump out and try to grab us. We would try to run and they would try to grab us and they were mean to us. They would try to pull our hair and they were always waiting for us. My mom was so annoyed with these girls. 
  One day they did grab Heather and I ran back and got her but Heather and I had enough of those girls so we talked to my mom. My mom said she owuld wait for us in the car, in the parking lot and she said pretend like we do not know her. I said ok. Well, my aunt, her sister came into town. Reva. Reva was tough. She was 16 when I was 7 or 8. She was tough. She had 2 brothers that she would fight with and two other brothers that were sweet but boy, she was awesome. Well, my mom had told her that these girls were harassing Heather and I.  Reva was up for the job. We went to school as usual and on the way I had told Heather that my mom was waiting for us but to act natural and act like they were not there. She said OK. Well, the hour came. My mom was in fact waiting for us at the Church Building. Well, that was where the three girls always waited for us. So, we walked as normal, and they started coming toward us when my aunt jumped out of the car with my mom. The looks on the girls' faces when they took off toward the girls and saying, "You like bullying little girls?" my aunt was saying, "Why don't you come here and chase me?" the girls never stayed to harass us after that. It was AWESOME! I was hoping they would do it again so my mom would do an encore chasing. It was epic for Heather and I. 
  It was a confirmation that mom once again deserved the "Mother of the Year" award.