School Days, School Days, Dear Old Golden Rule Days

  

  

Five years old, Kindergarten picture. Please read below for an explanation as to why this picture is so funny

Mom's friends, Atz and Nedra Kiltcher moved to Payson, Utah, meaning I saw Shane on occasion. The Kiltcher's would come visit us and sing and I would play with their kids, Shane and Jeul. (She now is a singer and spells it Jewel) Shane, Jewel and I would roller skate and I taught her how to roller skate. She was about 5 years younger than me. I remember being in Kindergarten and her and Shane stayed with us for a few days. I carried her around, and played with her, She was the most beautiful baby and so sweet. We had much fun together. She remembers me because one day she saw a roller skater Avon bunny pinned to my shirt. Behind the face and tummy of that bunny was lip gloss. She admired it and I gave it to her. She had me come back stage to one of her concerts a couple years ago and she told me how much fun she had with me as a child. Wow. 
 When I was Five Years Old I started Kindergarten. I was bored. I had to help other kids learn to read. 
 I will explain why. In my class, we had to learn together as a class, not individually. Well, I was reading really well, and I wanted to learn more but in order to do that, the kids that were struggling with reading needed to be caught up to my level. 
 How could I help them learn to read better? 
Positive Reinforcements. (Of course) That meant a lot of my free time at home was spent baking cookies for my fellow class mates. My mom hated this, because that meant I would bake the cookies, and they would kind of turn out like baked salted  dough so she would have to remake them. Well, I was watching a "Mister Rodgers Neighborhood" with  my cereal, as I did every morning before I went to school. (I thought he was talking to me and so I told my mom Mr Rodgers has to talk to me before I go to school.) Well, he taught us how to make some salt dough! He did it without using the stove top and that was quite a capitol idea for me! I went to school that day in anticipation for going home to make my class mates some wonderful salt dough (home made play dough) I was excited!!!
 I was more than excited... 
 I got home, took out the flour. Dang it, some spilled... Oh, well, I will clean it up (and I cleaned up some of it) But when I mixed it, it was a little runny, but the bag of flour my  mom had in the cupboard was HUGE so I used that one (in retrospect, OK, It was ten pound bag.) I used all of the flour in the house, all the salt and I made the dough. I thought I would make my mom's day by making her a birds nest before she came home. 
Some how, I think there was still some of the mess, She found out I had used up all the flour in the house.. (How did she know it was me?) My mom never yelled, my mom never swore. But my mom was really upset with me. 
 As a matter of fact, although I have always had a love for cooking my mom literally grounded me from cooking until I was 12. WHAT??? I know!!! Torture huh?
  I had another obstacle. 
Picture day. Now, it is every mother's dream to have School Pictures of their kids filling the home's hallways of every year starting from Kindergarten through High School, each child lining the hallways of pictures, so when family members, friends come to visit and need to use the restroom, they take the long walk down the hall of fame.
 On such an occasion, parents mostly mothers, dress their daughters in the best clothes, make the hair just perfect, and the boys are usually in ties and sport jackets. Sadly, that is how they leave home. But, one can not expect kids to not play on the play ground, every child can not get their picture taken right at 9 am to assure that their hair and clothes stay perfect. 
  Usually the Kindergarteners go first, youngest to oldest. I decided to cut my hair a few days before picture day. I wanted an extra special picture, so I made piggy tails, myself, before I went to school. For a prettier surprise to my mom, I smuggled make up in my back pack before we headed out the door. My mom saw my lipstick I put on my lips and said, "Promise  me you will take out the piggy tails and take off that lipstick before you get your picture? Here is a comb to brush your hair". Of course I promised her to take out my piggy tails, but it did not mean I really was going to do it , I mean, she was not really going to know, right? And besides, she has no clue about my make up surprise. How I dreamed of the best pictures. She will hang my picture where everyone can see it, not in the hallway, but living room status. 
 Right before pictures were taken I asked my teacher if I could to to the bathroom, and how I slipped my makeup in the bathroom with out her noticing is still a debatable mystery today. 
 But, I did.  I put on my mom's mascara and eyeliner. Oooh the burn my eyes felt when I accidentally poked my eye with the liquid eye liner brush. That started sort of a snow ball effect on my picture. When I got to the photographer, I was a little surprised when he looked at me and asked the lady taking the money to "come now". When she came, she told me to wait a minute and went to her purse and I asked her to please not ruin my make up. 
 Instead, she got a Kleenex, and licked it, wiped my eyes and bada-boom, ruined my beautiful make up.In one swipe my dreams of my beautiful picture shattered into a million pieces full of spit and Kleenex. sigh... At least they didn't touch my hair.  My hair!?! Oooh heck, I promised my mom  I would take out my piggy tails before the picture. After the picture was snapped, I asked the Photographer if I would do it again, because I promised my mom I would not have the piggy tails in. "Believe me, she will not notice your piggy tails, well, that will not be the only thing she notices" He said as he laughed and said my picture was "just fine, really memorable" Well... I think I will believe him! So I took out my piggy tails and thought... "Mom will never notice Awesome!"
 I thought I still had a chance of getting Living room shelf status. When I got home my mom said "How did your picture turn out? did you take out your piggy tails?" (believe me, your mom will not notice... echoing in my ears as I blurted out,) "Yep, I looked really cute" and my mom said, "We'll see" (What did that mean? The photographer said my mom will not notice) I skipped outside with my bike and rode it around the complex, and played in the sandbox, I remember it was a really sunny day
  In those days, retakes were done before you got the pictures back. So, a week after retakes, my pictures came, and how cute I looked, but my eyes did not look like I expected them too. I wanted more of a Hollywood look, and shoot, my hair was not as blond as I normally am, oh yeah, I cut my hair a couple of days before. Will my mom see how cute I look?
 When I got home Danae pulled out her pictures. She looked so pretty. She had long brownish-golden hair, natural curls, green and hazel eyes, my big sister was just gorgeous.
 Then my mom saw mine. Remember when I said that my mom never yelled? I mean Never EVER? 
 Ok... She did! Yes, My mom yelled. It was more of shrill. At first I thought she was happy and excited of my beauty, but after a few seconds, I ran to my closet. Her shrill was not happiness. It was terror and horror. My mom was so angry. I could not figure it out. What the heck was she yelling how bad my pictures looked. To this day, ı have never heard my mom ever sound with such a horror scream that went as far south as the Grand Canyon and I am SURE that her scream caused an Avalanche in the Most Northern part of Alaska. 
She shrilled, "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT??????"
What was ALL she said. So, understandably, you can see why at first I thought she was so happy... My mom usually has a very beautiful soft spoken not high pitched sound. But, her What was very high pitched and... Long. Then she said "Retakes were LAST WEEK!! I TOLD YOU to take out the piggy tails and WHY Did you get into my make UP!?!?!?!" I said "I put it back" and then I instinctively ran to my closet. (Good choice... And I am alive today because my mom chose to stand there yelling instead of following me to my room)
  My mom wanted to throw them away but when David saw them, He gave her money for the package and said (while laughing),"One Day you will look at this picture and laugh." He bought them and He hung it in his living room. Every time he saw it he laughed so hard. My mom saw it 30 years later, and said,"David is right! It is so funny now, boy it was not then!" MY mom was always wonderful like that. She could look at things differently and laugh. 
We laughed a lot growing up. MY mom taught me to see humor in things. Even in Not Living Room Worthy Pictures.